The past two semesters have been a rollercoaster of "College is perfect, I will change the world, I can do this" to "What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? What does this solve? I can't do anything." I don't like the harsh shifts in my thinking- it affects the energy I have to complete homework to the best of my ability because I am giving so much energy to counteract the negativity.
Life is more than my "four walls". This bubble I am living in, the jobs and leadership opportunities I desire, the church I go to, my lack of sleep and unhealthy eating habits... there is more going on beyond me. When I become self focused, my brain believes my four walls are all there is. One small issue is a crisis in comparison to the small ecosystem I have created.
Send an earthquake. Knock down these walls so I can feel the wind, see others' problems, be a better lover. I can't help anyone until I think beyond myself.
Philippians 2:4 - "do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I am blind to others' needs with no energy left to look out for opportunities- I have nothing left to give others.
I am not in any way saying people shouldn't help themselves before they can help others. Either extreme stunts one's ability to move mountains. I am saying I need to readjust my thoughts beyond working on being more joyful regardless of my emotions or the situation. I have to put others first to experience growth.
It's kind of like the selfie trend. For years someone has always had to take pictures of others and not be included themselves. Now one can take a picture of oneself all alone. This feeling is liberating. We don't need to ask a random stranger to take a group picture. We can do it on our own. But a selfie isn't nearly as rewarding as working with others, helping others when it won't help ourselves. Sometimes selfies are necessary. We all need to recover sometimes and do a little self-care. But sometimes going on an adventure with someone else and asking another person to document it (if you aren't following my metaphor, I mean asking for help from someone older and wiser) is so much better.
Thankfully, God is pretty awesome and loves me even when I'm selfish. Romans 5:8-"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." God, show me how to show this great love. I am a work in progress.