My “virginity” is not a cookie. If I choose to have sex outside of marriage, I don’t give a piece of myself away. Abstaining from sex is just one part of what Jesus was talking about anyway. Being pure is not just about avoiding certain physical actions. It’s about being careful of what you think, how you treat others, being a person with integrity. On the flip side, I’m also not some dog in heat who cannot control my actions. If I read a “dirty novel” I won’t rape the next person I see. I can be left alone with my boyfriend without us “sleeping around”. I don’t fricken give away a part of my cookie when and if I choose to have sex! Let’s be honest, if I had a cookie in the first place, I would eat it myself and not share it.
The way my theater mom puts it, who is an amazing, inspiring Christian woman, sex is a bell you can’t un-ring. If you’re gonna ring it, be smart about it by being safe and really deciding if that’s something you want. I appreciate her enlightened attitude about it.
There is a second practice that I hate. In several books I’ve read, the authors wrote these sad scenes where their significant other or fiancé sat them down and confessed they had sex outside of marriage or participated in orgies and the authors were kind enough to forgive them. In one book, the woman even apologized for kissing her previous boyfriend. I do not need anyone’s forgiveness for sin except God’s. Granted, I’ve haven't had sex but because my worth does not come from my virginity (or lack thereof), I don’t need my future husband’s forgiveness. If I have sex with someone who is not the person I marry, I would be honest with them but my sexual history is ultimately mine to choose how much I would want to share.
The whole “don’t cheat on Jesus” thing also gets me hot and bothered, so to speak. I’ve heard this from a few people. Sex with someone who is not your husband is you cheating on Jesus. Somehow, I’m magically married to Jesus, actually anyone with a promise ring is. You wouldn’t want to cheat on Jesus would you? Of course not! So don’t have sex. (Does this make sense to anyone? I just don’t get it. Yes, God wants us to live holy lives but not because he’s vindictive and jealous of if I choose to have sex. His original plan is the easiest (sex inside of marriage), no need to clutter that with horrendous, unbiblical marital statuses.
This is not the point. I’m not “saving myself” for my husband or so I don’t cheat on Jesus. I have chosen to not have sex because I have researched, studied the Bible and prayed about this decision. If my spouse, whoever he is, has previously had sex, I won’t accuse him of sharing the cookie that was “mine”. His entire being is God’s. He was created and is loved by God first.
Another analogy involves guilt-ing teenagers into being afraid of worthlessness, rejection and lack of belonging. Someone passes around a rose and everybody hands it off to the next person. The rose begins to wilt and fall apart. This is ended by saying “No one would want an old, broken, used rose, would they?” Well Jesus would. Jesus wants all the roses of the world, even if they’ve had sex. Jesus wants a better life for us and He wants every rose.
The church tends to do a terrible job at explaining sex beyond “don’t do it”. Teenagers aren’t blockheads who cannot understand things without “cool” analogies like cookies and busted roses and marital status to Jesus.
Let me state an earlier point, my worth is not hinged on my virginity. Your worth is not dependent on your purity. Thank the Lord for Jesus’ sacrifice and grace. We are defined by Him, as children of God, not by our actions.