I don't know what to say. I keep trying to write out my side of the story but I'm also scared to write it all down- making last week even realer. I don't feel like I have the right to be so affected by this- we only talked a handful of times. But I've always been sensitive and empathetic, traits I usually appreciate in myself yet right now it makes it harder to watch others hurting along with experiencing my own pain.
Last Friday, my roommate from last year came to visit me before going to boot camp. We were snuggled in bed when my best RA friend called me. She was on rounds for me that night and sounded panicked. I bolted for the front entrance and she and my co RA came tearing into the building. She and I ran upstairs and read the email together: Lockdown.
That hour is a blur. I knocked on doors, closed blinds, called family members and my other co RAs. Rumors were flying around- all I knew was you were hurt. Some residents gathered in my room to watch a movie until another email was sent out confirming the capture of the assailant and giving the okay to exit buildings. Several RAs and my roommate stood in the lobby not sure of what to do.
My roommate slept in my room; she needed rest before driving home. Us RAs camped out in sleeping bags on the floor of one of their rooms, hoping and praying you were okay. We distracted ourselves until we dozed off around 3:30. We all stirred that morning around 7:45 and read that awful email.
The all RA meeting was at one- eons away. I spent those hours checking in on other RAs, running back to my room to check in on my roommate and worrying sick about your close friends and your family. During the meeting, we were all crying, even the dean of students and your area director.
Tuesday night we had a candlelight vigil for you, hundreds of people came. Thursday was your memorial. Your area director sat next to me; we kept touching pinkies throughout the service, both of us tearing up as my co RA spoke about your mischievous spirit. Every night last week, we played movies in my hall until 1 or 2 in the morning. No one wanted to be alone and we all needed the laugh.
Friday, most of campus left for break. My best RA friend drove a group of people to various places in Oregon and Washington. She dropped me off at a Starbucks. As they drove off, I sat inside waiting for my aunt. She texted me, saying a store next door was named "Parker Paints". We were both reassured with me being dropped off after seeing your name. These past five days have been the longest five days of my life.
Residence Life is similar to a football team. We are broken up into four positions (or areas). Football has eleven. Just like in football, every team member is important. Our team needs you and won't be the same without you. We have grown in unity because of your death but we are also all so heart broken. You lived as an example of your faith, I can only dream of making a similar impact. During the game yesterday, your football team won 35 points before the other guys even had a goal. Your name, football number and friends you left behind are all a source of comfort for me. I plan on doing all I can to support your friends here, and as corny as it sounds, I totally want to name my daughter after you.
Rest in peace, sweet Parker. You are loved.
(This post was written after the random attack that killed Parker Archie Moore, a fellow RA.)